Do You Really Know Your Partner?

When they say: "Go out with your friends. Have a blast."
What she means: I could really use a night alone to wax my upper lip, watch Monk and eat that bag of Chips Ahoy I've got hidden in the pantry.
What he means: Next time I want to go for beers with Kyle, remember what a flexible guy I am.

When they say: "Those girls/guys are totally checking you out."
What she means: What she means is: If you look back I'll scratch your eyes out.
What he means: You'd never cheat on me, right?

When they say: "I don't want to talk about it now."
What she means: I'll blind side you later when you think I've forgotten all about it. Then we'll talk it to death.
What he means: I don't want to talk about it....ever.

When they say: "What was your ex like?"
What she means: Was she prettier than me?
What he means: Was he better than me in bed and how much money did he make?

When they say: "Did you pick up the dry-cleaning?"
What she means: Do I have to do everything around here?
What he means: What do you do all day, anyway?

When they say: "I really missed you."
What she means: Did you miss me?
What he means: I realized how much I really like you.

When they say: "I'm not looking to get into a long-term relationship right now."
What she means: I don't think you're the one so prepare yourself to get dumped.
What he means: I'm only available for casual sex.

When they say: "Are you close to your family?"
What she means: I'm available to meet them this weekend.
What he means: Have you talked about me yet?

When they say: "I just don't know if we have chemistry."
What she means: I'm not attracted to you. Never have been, never will be.
What he means: Let's see what happens if you lay off the Ben & Jerry's for a few months.

When they say: "I only have a cell phone number."
What she means: You can't have my home number because I might screen you.
What he means: You can't have my home number because I'm married.

When they say: "Do you want a mint?"
What she means: Your breath stinks.
What he means: Do you want a mint?

When they say: "Let's split the bill."
What she means: I don't like you and I don't want to owe you anything.
What he means: This definitely isn't going to work out if you order an appetizer and dessert every time we go out.

When they say: "nothing" is wrong.
What she means: I need to punish you a bit longer with the silent treatment before letting you have it.
What he means: The sound of your voice is giving me hives. Can you PLEASE just let me watch TV in peace?

When they say: "I meant to call but it got too late."
What she means: I wanted to watch Oprah and you're boring on the phone.
What he means: I was having such a good time I didn't even think about you.

When they say: "Call me after the party."
What she means: I want to make sure you're home, sober and alone.
What he means: I want to make sure you're alone.

When they say: "We need to talk."
What she means: You're failing me again. Let's discuss.
What he means: It's over.

When they say: "I really want a small wedding."
What she means: Just the family and 160 of my closest friends.
What he means: Let's fly to Vegas.

When they say: "Do you like camping?"
What she means: Do I have to pretend I like sleeping in a tent?
What he means: Are you low maintenance?

When they say: "I don't want anything for my birthday."
What she means: This is a test of your creativity, thoughtfulness and commitment to our relationship. If you do not get me a birthday present, you will never be forgiven.
What he means: I'm feeling old and a little sorry for myself.

When they say: "What's with all the shopping bags?"
What she means: Are they for me?
What he means: I'm not made of money.

When they say: "I never got your message."
What she means: Just admit you forgot to call me back.
What he means: I forgot to call you back.

When they say: "I'll just have the salad."
What she means: I'm on a diet again.
What he means: I was too hungry to wait so I grabbed a burger after work with the guys.

When they say: "I don't cook."
What she means: Expect nothing from me on the domestic front.
What he means: My mom is a great cook. I hope you are too.

emailed to me from USA Network.....go figure.